I’ve spent the last week or so working through in my head how to explain the mental journey that I have taken over the past 4 years to take me from a Try a Tri in 2005 to Ironman Arizona next November. There was a time that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to make the swim cut-off because I couldn’t imagine not panicking in the water. As well, I could have panic attacks on the bike, either a continuation from the water, or, just an episode on a training ride. So, here’s the rules:

1. Don’t talk about fight club. Fight club is the swim and I probably only have a window right now of about 2 weeks before I have to ignore anyone talking about panic, any threads of BT about panic, and any advice to anyone on panic.
2. Cut out the caffeine. If you have any tendencies to anxiety get rid of all stimulants in your life. I was never a coffee drinker but I got caffeine from tea, Starbucks Chai lattes, chocolate, and gels. I now have to plan any chocolate consumption around my training, I’ve switched to Vanilla Creams at Starbucks and I only get one decaf tea a week, and only in the winter. I will use caffeine gels in a running race and I’m going to enjoy those Cokes in Arizona. But I will feel the effect on my mind and my ability to evaluate risk. Hopefully a jacked up metabolism will clear it all out within a day or so. But, caffeine has a half life and it takes a while to get it out of the system. If I have a decaf tea every day (4 mg of caffeine), then by the end of the week I’m going to have more than just that 4 mg of stimulant running around making me crazy.
3.Get some therapy, call it sports therapy if you want. I ended up with a great therapist who really didn’t specialize in athletes but sure knew dysfunctional families. It’s a rare person who doesn’t have demons and those suckers sure like to show up when ever emotions run high. A swim start is very emotional and just as your spouse or best friend may run into issues you are carrying around, (we’ve all had fights that were really not about those socks on the floor) so can your body run into your brain in the water. I came out of 12 weeks of therapy with very little fear of heights (big change) and a much lessoned fear of enclosed spaces. My therapy couldn’t fix my family but, did allow me to separate myself from the way they had, historically, treated me and how they made me feel about myself.
4. Consider it a series of jobs. First job, eat breakfast, second job, get to the transition, third job, set up in transition, fourth job, and the most important – if someone around you starts talking about swim panic either smile and walk away or redirect. Ask about kids, anything, do not play the panic game. Do not give advice, do not admit to any panic at all. You might even help that person out by getting them out of an unhealthy mental space. Keep going just working the one job at a time. Break it down as much as you need to. Having a gel on the bike at a certain point can be a job.

Last year our first half iron distance involved a river swim. The previous year our part of the country had a record level of snowfall. That summer was the rainiest on record also. There was a lot of water draining from the watershed on its way to the Great Lakes. I was late getting from the warm up area down river to the start and the current was fierce. I missed the start. I should have been freaking but I was laughing as I ran up the riverbank to the place were everyone had started from. I didn’t panic in the current but just kept plugging along. The fact that I could go from a woman who wanted to rip her wetsuit off, hanging off kayaks and getting to shore only through a possibly unhealthy force of will to someone who could laugh at missing the start is testimony to how much triathlon has made me change my brain.